The Friends of Batman
Credit: The Friends of Batman
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Credit: The Friends of Batman
The Friends of Batman are six desperate men, trying to recapture their squandered youth by playing loud music and dicking about in badly thought out costumes.
The Friends of Batman are six desperate men from Sheffield/Manchester, trying to recapture their squandered youth by playing loud music and dicking about in badly thought out costumes.
Jim FOB: The Head Honcho, spitting out rhymes with a wicked glint in his third eye.
Terry Sallgold: The epitome of Sidekick. Terry has the brawn, but not necessarily the brains, but can manage a few Ooohs when required.
Thereman: Jazz Lothario, guitar hero, irresistible to men and women alike.
The Great Bassoomo: Smooth funk and deep bass from an instrument that can only be described as miniscule!
Brother Theresa: Do not engage in conversation with this man under any circumstances. Drums.
The Trawler: You're living in 2018, he lives in 3018, which is why his face looks like a bag of dicks. The sounds he can wring from a 4 year old iphone will blow your tiny mind.
Blandman: the prodigal son, sick of the Hollywoods scene of sun, sea and sausage rolls returns to the fold with his head hung cello
Title: Pain E.P
Artist: The Friends of Batman
Release date: 21/07/18
Label: The Laundrette Recording Company
Physical release: CD digipak limited to 100 copies- Available from https://thefriendsofbatman.bandcamp.com and at performances.
Digital release: Download from Bandcamp or through usual online outlets
Streaming: Spotify, Deezer etc. Look and you will find
2. Rock n Roll Dickhead
Friends of Batman - Pain EP
We all thought the Friends of Batman were dead, or at least they’d fucked off somewhere else. But now, summoned from their various lairs, nests, burrows and crevices (not sure which one lives in a crevice), they have come together, like a Poundland Justice League to record this, their debut E.P., and what a pile of shining musicianship it is.
The first song, 'Pain' opens with the hiss of rain and a low rumble of thunder, like the doomy opening to 'Black Sabbath' by Black Sabbath. Then there’s some twiddly proggy noises, a bit like that old Rush song, before the band settle into a menacing lope and Terry comes in like a Yorkshire Iggy Pop to tell us what a cunt he is, as if we needed convincing.
'They call me Terry. Travellin' light, killin' for free, it makes me merry' he sings nonchalantly, like a Tory stepping on a kitten. 'If there's one thing that I do well, I fucking bring you PAIN!'
If you've ever had one of those annoying partners who thought it was sexy dripping fucking molten wax on you, spanking your arse red raw, shoving a hot soldering iron up your arse or murdering you while you slept, you'll identify with this song.
At one point Terry seems to sing 'don't have a fire in your thighs', which is excellent advice, so in fairness and balance there's a positive health and safety message in amongst the general threats of pain and murder. He also mentions 'taking out mince' although I may have misheard that line.
The general message is 'Don't mess with Terry' but it left me feeling like Terry had messed with me. I needed a wash after listening to it, even 'down there'. I felt greasy and used, and vaguely ashamed. I still do. Only a fool would mess with Terry.
The song is a genuine dirty garage rock classic and should be the new National Anthem.
Next up is a proper stomper. 'Rock and Roll Dickhead' has the sort of call and response chorus that is guaranteed to get even the most mild-mannered, shy, bookish types who generally keep themselves to themselves and later turn out to be serial killers, punching the air with their pale fists and bellowing the chorus. I won't tell you what that chorus is; you'll have to buy the record or go see them live [wink]
It kicks off like a vintage Suzi Quatro song until Jim comes in singing about an ageing rocker who still thinks he’s cutting edge when in fact he’s more ‘cunting edge’. ‘pushing 50 but he thinks he’s 17’ hahaha! Hang on, that could be me! Cheeky bastards! But it’s probably about some proper dickhead like Noel fucking Gallagher, Roger fucking Daltrey or fucking Morrissey, 'Released a solo album it was fucking toss, acting like a twat on Jonathon Ross'. Yep, but just choose your own dickhead to fit the bill. ‘Hip Hop Dickhead’ works also.
If I had my own TV chat show I'd play this song every time I had a musician on. I'd have the audience roar the chorus as they came on. It'd get the guests relaxed, put them at ease ready for a chilled interview. I can picture Kanye West laughing right now as a specially invited audience shout ‘He’s a Rock and Roll Dickhead’. He’d love it, Kanye, very self-deprecating.
As we already have 'Pain' as our national Anthem, this one could perhaps close the Last Night of The Proms, led by Dame Kiri Te Kanawa.
The next song, 'Perfume', is a manic sci-fi pop-punk tune which reminds me a bit of the Rezillos only not Scottish and without a female singer. Plus it’s about shit. More specifically, the meaty waft of a morning-after bum-casserole, unbreathable by vegans. The sort that needs half an hour rather than ten minutes before the next poor sod can go in, and which comes out like cheap gap-filling foam. The sort that you taste as much as smell. A fine song to join the rich musical canon of songs about air biscuits and lumpy gravy.
Last song is 'Poorman', a sneering rant about poor people which might have been written by Jacob Rees-Mogg, set to a bouncing ska-punk tune, which I guarantee will get the sweat dripping off the ceiling at Shakespeare’s when the band play there during Tramlines, for their E.P. launch. It reminded me of something Viv Stanshall might have come up with. If I were the lads I’d be worried the Tories might nick this for their new theme song. Hmmm…I hope Friends of Batman are not just a bunch of toff cunts slumming it and taking the piss out of us salt of the Earth working class types. Might have to have Hook-Nosed Mick beat ‘em up just in case. Bring some PAIN to the bastards. After the gig of course.
Be at Shakespeare’s for the E.P. launch, or I’ll make you rim Boris.